When an individual or couple seeks out psychotherapy for a sexual problem, it is generally a physical manifestation of a psychological or emotional issue. The sexual problem, whether it be an arousal issue or pain, is a physical symptom caused by something going on in the psyche of the client/s. In the mental health field we call this psycho-somatic. It’s a clear-cut example of how mind and body are connected.
The mind is a powerful organ and our attempts to understand it are great, however too often people misunderstand the field of psychology/mental health and fail to recognize or take into consideration that treatment may have to be more slightly holistic than simple talk therapy. Simply understanding the problem is not always impetus for change. This is why many, if not most, sex therapists will incorporate at the very minimum some forms of breathing and relaxation techniques either in the session with the client or assigned as homework in order to help the client make change.
It’s important to recognize that change most readily takes place when the body is working conjointly with the mind. We can talk for hours about an issue or problem, get insurmountable amounts of insight but still never really have the tools or insight on how to practically and realistically make this change. Talk therapy and all other forms of psychotherapy are extremely useful when it comes to coming to terms with your inner most private feelings, understanding blocks, and uncovering hidden emotions. Sometimes, however, we find that our mind is quick to grasp concepts however our body is lagging behind. How do we bridge this body and mind gap?
Just like the mind holds memories that need to be accessed, processed and released, so do the muscles in our bodies hold on to memories of trauma, pain, sadness, anger, guilt, etc. In order to access even more memories and get greater amounts of release, it is important to recognize and treat relationships, sexual concerns and mental health issues as holistic. It’s important to see what is going on with ourselves physically as well as emotionally, physiologically and mentally.
As many problems in mental health, in sexuality and in relationships, one thing that always begins any treatment is teaching the client how to breathe and relax. Sure, most clients love to talk and come to therapy, and want to talk. But breathing and learning to breathe is at the core of any healing. This is not just useful for anxious patients, obsessive clients, and addicts, but is a launching pad for healthy living all around. Clients often balk at the idea of doing anything other than talking, and may even feel uncomfortable or anxious. This may often suggest an unwillingness to change and to accept responsibility for change.
It’s really important to look at the whole picture and not isolate your sexual issue as one single solitary thing. As part of this holistic treatment process goes, I may encourage change in eating habits as well as lifestyle modifications when it comes to exercise, consuming drugs, alcohol and even over the counter meds. But, I often hear, “Everything in my life is perfect, except for my sex life.” It is assumed that a therapist will wave the magic wand and this one small thing will go away. Generally speaking, these people are looking for a band-aid. With a band-aid however, the problem will often resurface somewhere else in the form or shape of something else. Sure, there might be a pill and/or a quick cure to eliminate the presenting problem but if you take a little time and peel back the layers while also taking steps to improve all areas of your life then you will experience longer lasting results, which are more likely to stick, relieving the problem for good.
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